


If you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy

by Gomili_Giza



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cute, Dejun is kinda scared, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay parade, M/M, Romance, They are so cute, Yang Yang is whipped, but it's nothing serious!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-26 10:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19766719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gomili_Giza/pseuds/Gomili_Giza
Summary: How could Dejun have ever been ashamed of loving Liu YangYang?





	If you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that the prompter is happy with what i have done. Thank you N form checking my mistakes and thank you all for reading! Congratulations for the mods and other writers it was so fun!
> 
> PS bonus points if someone knows from what books is the title and the summary ( of course summary a liitle changed) XD

It’s a really pretty day. The sun is up, shining, and the wind blows just enough, that it’s not too hot from the sun and not too cold. A perfect day. Dejun looks around. He’s sitting on the grass near a little pond, his two friends approaching him, talking about something excitedly, holding hands and walking so close, being so comfortable. Dejun looks at their linked hands and wonders how his life had changed so quickly, all because of one person; wonders how this one boy just entered his life and made it so messy, so confusing, but at the same time made him so calm about all of this. He wonders when he’s going to be so comfortable, so happy with his boy just like his friends are together, because now he is just so awkward. Dejun hopes that he will wait for him a little more.

“Hey kid, what’s up? Why looking so sad?” Ten asks sitting down, while Kun, standing behind him, waves his hand so energetically. Dejun laughs at the sight.

“I’m not sad, I’m just thinking” Dejun says while watching Sicheng and YangYang walk up to them. Dejun smiles at the sight of YangYang running to him, and then landing next to him on his knees, hitting the grass with a loud thud on the grass next to him, touching Dejun thighs. He smiles at him just so beautifully before hugging him tightly. Dejun closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth of YangYang body and his soft hair brushing his face. Sicheng makes a little “ awww” sound, making Dejun blush madly when YangYang sits back to look at him with sparkling eyes.

“Ah, young love,” says Kun, sitting across from Dejun.Ten launches himself across Kun’s legs, making everyone laugh at that. Sicheng sits next to Dejun, ruffling his hair as a greeting. Dejun feels a little more comfortable with his long time friend next to him. YangYang takes Dejun’s hand in his, but he’s sitting so close that if someone walking in the park looked at their direction, they wouldn’t notice how their hands are linked. Dejun smiles at him gratefully.

“We were just talking about pride parade that is going to happen this weekend!” Ten says from Kun’s lap, throwing his hand in the air. YangYang gasps with excitement and Dejun feels Sicheng looking at him more than he can see it.. YangYang and Ten are talking loudly about the parade, Kun sometimes laughing at them, but also glancing at Dejun and Sicheng.  
“You are tense,” Sicheng says quietly. Kun takes Ten’s head in his hands and makes Ten sit so he can scoop closer to Dejun and Sicheng. Ten and YangYang look at them for a moment,but the three of them smile at the pair, and so they are back to their conversation. Dejun sighs; he doesn’t like all the attention he is being given right now. 

“I’m not, I’m just- “ he sighs once more. “I don’t know, I heard Yang talking about this parade so much and I know he wants to go so badly and he wants to take me, but I’m just scared,” he says so fast Kun and Sicheng are silent for a moment.  
Then Sicheng hugs him. “It’s okay to be scared. Everything is new to you, just not long time ago you accepted your sexuality with a lot of questioning along the way,” he lets go of Dejun, patting his head.  
“You two need to talk. That’s important. Yang knows that you still are a little uneasy so he is not going to push you,” Kun says with a smile that would melt everyone’s heart, and Dejun smiles too.  
He’s glad that he has friends that understand him, that helped him when he was lost. Him finding out why all of the girls that were interested in him were not interesting to him. And why he was so awkward around YangYang. After the realization that he is gay, they were there, all of them, YangYang too, and he was so helpful. He waited for him when Dejun was figuring everything out, didn’t push him and when Dejun was finally ready he was so happy, that for a moment, Dejun felt guilty that it took him so long to finally be in a relationship with him. But the younger one said, that it was okay and never let Dejun feel guilty over his insecurities about his sexuality and showing it publicly. 

Dejun nods his head at them. “I know that and I want to go but I’m just simply scared,” He says and laughs because he really wants to go. 

Sicheng laughs too, saying that he will go too and Ten hears it and screams that they need more face paint then. YangYang looks at Dejun so he smiles at him extending his hand in his direction and YangYang beams at him, talking his hand and squeezing it hard. Ten coos at them and Dejun blushes but don’t let go of the younger hand.

The parade happens in three days and he still hasn’t talked with YangYang if he is going or not. Dejun looks out of the window sitting by his desk with laptop open. There are a lot of open tabs, most of them are support forums, where he can find some answers to his questions. Some of the tabs show articles about the parade in different countries and some show pictures of the parade. Dejun is a little conflicted. This looks like a lot of fun, harmless. The official page of the parade states that everyone who supports LGBTQ+ can join, families with kids, elders, anyone. And Dejun was saying to himself that if he would feel uncomfortable, he would just say, if some stranger asked, that he is supporting his friends. He wanted to stick with it and was ready to call YangYang to say that he is going but it didn’t felt right. He doesn’t want to lie, that he is not a part of this community, he wants to be proud but he is so stupidly scared that it makes him angry. He wishes that he was as brave as YangYang, Kun, Sicheng and Ten. To be out and proud and to not be scared to fight for his own good and to be just himself. He bangs his head with loud thud on his desk. Why is it so hard? He asks himself but still he doesn’t have an answer. His ready to text YangYang that he can’t go, he is not ready, when his phones chimes and a facebook message pops up on the phone and his laptop. He starts closing all the tabs to find facebook and when he does he wants to scream a little. There it is, with a little heart emoji, a text box.

From: ♥

Can I come over? Or can we meet? :c

Dejun closes his eyes, feels his blood rushing to his head and he want to laugh. It’s a text from YangYang wanting to meet and he is shy and flustered. How embarrassing.

To: ♥

Yea can we meet in the park near me?

From: ♥

Coming!♥

Dejun huffs a quick laugh. He is so terrified. He knows why YangYang wants to meet, and he knows they need to talk, that he needs to tell him, but Dejun is not ready. He’s not ready to see this little flash of disappointment on YangYang face when he tells him, that he can’t do it. He doesn’t want to upset him, he did so many times before, he doesn’t want to do it again. He wishes that they are going to talk and that’s not going to be as terrible as Dejun is imagining it. Taking his keys, he tells his parents that he is heading out and walks out of the apartment.

YangYang is sitting on one of the benches, head thrown back with sun hitting it. Dejun stays still looking at him from afar, admiring. YangYang is really pretty, with the sun shining on his face, lips parted with a little smile lingering on his face, eyes fluttering. He takes a deep breath and approaches the boy. YangYang looks at him with a smile, moving a little to not sit at the centre of the bench. Dejun smiles back at him and sits next to him, tights touching.

“Hey” Dejun says still smiling because YangYang is smiling and he has really addictive smile.  
YangYang laughs a little tilting his head to the side. Like a cute puppy. “Hey you” he says back still smiling but not as much as before.  
They stay quiet for a bit, YangYang visibly studying Dejun face when the other looks at the kids playing nearby. “ I want to talk about the parade,” YangYang says finally and Dejun looks at him.  
He is not smiling anymore, looks serious and to be quite frank, Dejun is surprised. “O-okey” he stutters a little and it breaks a little smile, just a corner of YangYang lips lifting.  
“I know…that you are scared still. A little unsure and not comfortable yet about everything. And you know that I understand it. That’s why I want you to know that’s okey - okey if you don’t want to go with me or at all” YangYang says. His hand is close to Dejun’s but he is not doing anything, just his pinky touching Dejun’s and the letter takes a deep breath at that sight and looks up at YangYang smiling.  
” I-I want to go” Dejun mutters a little quiet but YangYang hears and looks a little surprised. “But I’m so stupidly scared I don’t know what I’m scared of I just am and it makes me angry. Why can’t I just go and have fun with you? Why I’m so scared?” Dejun asks and YangYang looks worriedly at him. It doesn’t take the younger even a second when he is embracing Dejun in his arms hugging him tightly.  
‘It’s alright to be scared. I’m scared too, okay? We can be a little scared together” he says and Dejun laughs in his arms. He feels safe. Like nothing bad can happen to him and he thinks that if YangYang hug can scare away his monsters and his worries, he can do it. To repay all those times when Dejun couldn’t scare away YangYang worries, because he was one of them. He nods his head and backs a little.  
“I want to go with you. But I don’t want to be… flashy, if you know what I mean. I can have like a rainbow somewhere just for me to see, to remember why I’m there okay?” he asks and YangYang smiles so brightly Dejun is sure the sun can’t do that.  
”Of course” he says and laughs still holding Dejun hand. The older exhales with a smile looking at their hand. I can’t figure it out, he thinks. He had so many doubts but they all go away with YangYang by his side. Is it love? He thinks watching YangYang smiling at dog walking by.

They are getting ready and Dejun is nervous. His leg is twitching when YangYang paints a little rainbow heart on his cheek. He feels hand on his leg and looks at YangYang.  
“It’s okay I’m going to be right next to you, okay?” he says and Dejun nods with a smile.  
When the younger is done, Dejun changes his home shorts on some black ones and a black t-shirt with rainbow heart on the pocket embroidered on it by Ten. He looks at himself in the mirror. Dejun takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When he exhales and opens them, YangYang is next to him with his hand-painted rainbow shorts, a white t-shirt with embroidered I’m proud also with rainbow colors and flag on his back. They smile in the mirror and Dejun takes younger hand in his.  
“Let’s go” he says and YangYang nods, excited.

They meet Kun, Ten and Sicheng outside and after the tree of them shared they applauds on Dejun looks, the four of them headed in the way the parade takes place.

Dejun is amazed. There is loud cheerful music, singing and laughing people and so much positivity he is baffled. YangYang drags him to the centre of the march and they sing together to some songs, holding hands and he feels safe. Sicheng walks next to him with his black, grey, white and purple stripped shirt on and a rainbow flag on his cheek smiling to him. He can barely hear what he is saying but makes out just you look cute have fun kid and then he walks away. Ten and Kun are in front of them, sharing gigantic rainbow flag that shelter them from the sun. They smile at each other and kiss and people around them cheer for them and when Kun hugs Ten he laughs out loud and high fives some girl that walks past them. He looks to his side and YangYang is laughing waving his flag in his hand. He feels someone taping him on his shoulder and he looks to his other side. It's two boys, he thinks, doesn’t want to assume, and they smile at him. He looks at them questioning.  
“ You look so cute!” one of them shouts and Dejun is shocked but he smiles at them shyly and they smile too, wave to him and walk away. When he looks at YangYang he is smiling at him.  
“You do look cute!” he also shouts and Dejun flushes madly while YangYang laughs squeezing his hand tightly pulling him closer to his side. “Have to make sure no one’s is going to snatch you from me!” he shouts again and Dejun laughs embarrassed and flustered. While they marching some other people were commenting on Dejun looks and how he and YangYang look cute together. By some time Dejun got used to forwardness of some people and it didn’t made him so shy anymore. They lost Kun and Ten and Sicheng so they texted them to make sure they are alright and confirmed quite fast that they are, in fact, awesome. Kun and Ten managed to get to the front of the parade with the singers sending a photo to their group chat. Some minutes later Sicheng sends selfie of himself with some boy with big eyes, big smile, dirty blond hair and pink, yellow and blue flag on his cheek. YangYang claps his hands with excitement asking about the boy Sicheng is with, saying that he is cute and when Kun asks “Cuter than Dejun?” YangYang writes that no one is cuter than him and Dejun hits him playfully and they laugh. Sicheng just sends some emojis so they're not going to get any information now. They went to buy some water and run fast back to the parade.

It’s getting darker and colder. Dejun and YangYang wrapped themselves in YangYang flag when they arrived at the destination. It’s on the beach and they are going to be fireworks and a campfire and food and dances and as much as Dejun is excited he is also so tired. YangYang rest his head on his arm when they are sitting, a little at the back, so the fire is not warming them, taking some rest. They are holding hands and Dejun rests his head on YangYang head smiling softly. He feels so happy, so free. YangYang hair tickles him a little when the younger moves his head to get more comfortable.

“We should head back home” Dejun says. Its responsible at their age and at how late it is. He told his parents that Kun and Ten and Sicheng will be with him but they couldn’t find them, but it’s not a problem. He is sure if he call them they would find both of them and escort them to their homes. But he needs YangYang to confirm that he also wants to go home.

“Let’s wait for fireworks and head home. I’m going to text the chat so we can meet with them somewhere” the younger says talking his phone from his pocket. Dejun nods and enters the chat. The three of the oldest agree to meet them at the parking lot nearby and take them home. They are going to come back, Dejun and YangYang are sure about that. But both of them are not adults yet and both know that it’s too late for them to go home by themselves.

“Let’s get closer” Dejun says standing up. YangYang holds his hand still sitting looking up at him. Dejun looks at him with question in his eyes and YangYang smile prettily. “I’m really happy that you’ve came here, I’m really glad” he says while standing up and Dejun smiles at him too and they stay there looking at each other. Dejun is full of emotions, only that good ones and he is happy and glad too that he came here. He takes both of YangYang hands in his and they smile at each other. Dejun leans forward and YangYang meets him halfway, their lips meeting just in time when the fireworks start. They startle them for a little but YangYang is quick to put his hand on Dejun cheek to bring him back for the second kiss. As much as cliché it looks and sounds, Dejun thinks it was perfect. Some people were cheering, looking at two boys kissing so shyly but so sweetly. Some looked fondly, maybe thinking how cute and fresh it must be for the both of them to be in love. And Dejun and YangYang after some time just smiled with lips still connected while rainbow fireworks were going off in the background. After a while they separated, to look at the show still holding hands standing so close each other that someone might think that there were just one person.

When they were walking to the parking lot, YangYang was holding on to his waist while Dejun had his hand on his nape, playing with his hair. Kun was the first one to notice them and he smiled at them. Ten ran to the boys asking a lot of questions. YangYang took responsibility for answering them, while Sicheng and Kun smiled at him and he smiled back at them, still holding YangYang hand not planning on letting go the whole ride home. YangYang looked back at him smiling brightly and Dejun thought that for YangYang he is ready to be scared but happy at the same time.


End file.
